Introduction
Statistically speaking, the infamous “freshman 15” is a more reliable prediction than most meteorologists can give you on any given day. If you haven't already heard of this phenomenon, it is the pattern of weight almost every college freshman is expected to gain. While the actual weight gained is not quite 15 pounds, over 70% of freshmen do gain weight during their first 5 months, the average of this being 7.5 pounds(O’connor, 2012). Even for a correlation this strong, the cause is largely unknown. In this study, college students were surveyed about their eating habits at the dining hall, and their old ones at home. I also conducted interviews to see what factors students believe causes freshmen to gain weight the most.
Methods
Participants: 10 college freshmen were surveyed; 5 were interviewed
Procedure:
Survey questions: Participants in the survey were asked about their eating habits in the dining hall. They were asked how often they eat fruits and vegetables, along with how often they get dessert in a given week. They were also asked what type of drink do they typically get while in the dining hall, if they have any dietary restrictions, and if they attempt to eat a balanced meal when in the dining hall. Finally they were asked whether or not their eating habits at home were considered healthy.
Interview: Freshmen students were interviewed about what they think caused people to gain weight in college.
Analysis: percentages of each answer was compared to show trends
Quickly reviewing your paper, it was easy to tell that it was very well written. It flows very well from section to section, due to your use of effective transitions, making it very easy to skim. The data that you use are effective and relevant to your explanations, which are also very clear and concise. It is not hard to understand the point you are trying to make and why it is valid. Your analysis of literature, or what exists of it, is very concise and flows well.
ReplyDeleteThe above being said, there are many changes that you could make to your paper to improve it that would have minutes effects on its structure and communication of ideas. First and foremost, your language is good for the most part, but is clunky at times and, in your results section, claims statistical significance, a liable claim and a dangerous one to make in a small study. In your introduction, after you write about the studies that have shown freshman weight gain to be around 5% of bodyweight, you have a good opportunity to explain how that may be unhealthy, and, thus, why your study is important. Your abstract is clear for the most part, but borders on short and can be somewhat vague. You may want to adjust your language there and go into more depth on your methods. Also, for the amount of data presented, your data analysis heading within your methods section has very little content. It could benefit from the addition of the specifics of how you chose and formatted your data.